I am Her murti

Generally speaking, the sadhaka will be placing life into the murti on the shrine with prana pratishta after a series of ritual acts of purifying and energizing your body. The elements are purified and activated with bhuta shuddhi. The energetic levels are equilibrated with pranayama. Mantras and accompanying mudras are given. Light, incense, water, flowers, the very Self is presented as offering. The divine aspect is projected out with the breath into the statue, often onto a flower either physical or visualized; the cold statue becomes divinized, the Goddess is present, and worshipped accordingly.

That is not what is happening. 

Now it is as though She uses me as the murti (sometimes perhaps more like a puppet, and She holds the strings! ).

All the outer  rites are black because they are a reflection of the truth. The ritual acts mimic what She does to Her chosen and preferred, her babe of the abyss that is placed back on the nearside of the Tree. She sends life back into this shell, this form, to produce and energize the masks (personas) for functioning in the world. The niyasa (placing) is Her act of placing life back into the lifeless human form; giving life to the outer form of our body in maya. She is soft laughing during the sadhana, with flashes of love and delight in Her eyes.

This in one sense is why Achad reversed the Tree of Life. This was a mistake of confusing the map for the territory, although easy to do. It is the same phenomena, where the outer ritual acts are but mimicking the true Act which is the impulse of love that comes “down” from the supernal triad and into the seed at Malkuth The Great Goddess guides the Angel; the Angel guides the merciful exempt Adept; the Adept in turn produces the masks (personas) for the outer world.

Who is the worshipper and who is worshipped? The subject and object of the sadhana reverse positions before final absorption into the radiant Void. The sadhana with all the gestures, visualizations, mantras, mudras, lights and offerings is Her dance with us. This is how She experiences this world, through the body of the devotee. She sees with my eyes; hears with my ears; smells with my nose; tastes and speaks with my mouth; loves with my body. The world is Her playground. She plays with me as She pleases, and Her laugh sends waves of bliss through me.

Jai Kali Maa!